Truth About Repubs is Funny

The following articles from The Onion are funny because they are so close to the truth. Republicans, however, might not find them very amusing.

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Embarrassed Republicans Admit They’ve Been Thinking Of Eisenhower Whole Time They’ve Been Praising Reagan

WASHINGTON—At a press conference Monday, visibly embarrassed leaders of the Republican National Committee acknowledged that their nonstop, effusive praise of Ronald Reagan has been wholly unintentional, admitting they somehow managed to confuse him with Dwight D. Eisenhower for years.

Eisenhower

The GOP’s humiliating blunder was discovered last weekend by RNC chairman Reince Priebus, who realized his party had been extolling “completely the wrong guy” after he watched the History Channel special Eisenhower: An American Portrait.

“When I heard about Eisenhower’s presidential accomplishments—holding down the national debt, keeping inflation in check, and fighting for balanced budgets—it hit me that we’d clearly gotten their names mixed up at some point,” Priebus told reporters. “I couldn’t believe we’d been associating terms like ‘visionary,’ ‘principled,’ and ‘bold’ with President Reagan. That wasn’t him at all—that was Ike.”

“We deeply regret misattributing such a distinguished and patriotic legacy to Mr. Reagan,” Priebus added. “We really screwed up.”

Following his discovery, Priebus directed RNC staffers to inform top Republicans of the error and explain that it was Eisenhower, not Reagan, who carefully managed the nation’s prosperity, warned citizens of the military-industrial complex’s growing influence, and led the country with a mix of firm resolve and humble compassion.

Not Eisenhower

“Wait, you’re telling me Reagan advocated that trickle-down nonsense that was debunked years ago? That was Reagan?” Sen. John Thune (R-SD) said upon hearing of the mistake. “I can’t believe I’ve been calling for a return to Reagan’s America. I feel like an asshole.”

According to sources, millions of younger Republicans have spent most of their lives viewing Reagan a stalwart of conservative principles, and many were “horrified” to learn that the former president illegally sold weapons to Iran, declared amnesty for 2.9 million illegal immigrants, costarred in a movie with a chimpanzee, funneled aid to Islamic militants in Afghanistan, and suffered from severe mental problems.

(click here to continue reading)

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Mitt Romney Haunted By Past Of Trying To Help Uninsured Sick People

Romney claims he wishes he'd never aided helpless sick people.

BELMONT, MA—Though Mitt Romney is considered to be a frontrunner for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, the national spotlight has forced him to repeatedly confront a major skeleton in his political closet: that as governor of Massachusetts he once tried to help poor, uninsured sick people.

Romney, who signed the state’s 2006 health care reform act, has said he “deeply regrets” giving people in poor physical and mental health the opportunity to seek medical attention, admitting that helping very sick people get better remains a dark cloud hovering over his political career, and his biggest obstacle to becoming president of the United States of America.

(click here to continue reading)

Poverty Rate Jumps (The Onion)

Poverty Rate Jumps

The U.S. Census Bureau found that during 2009 the number of Americans living in poverty increased from 39.8 million to 43.6 million. What do you think?

  • Rick McKenzie
    Account Executive
    “Yeah, that seems about right. Over the past year, I guess there have been a few hundred thousand more street people that I have to pretend not to notice on my walk to work.”

  • Annie Watson
    Nib Adjuster
    “I’m shocked. I thought poverty was something that happened to other countries that systematically obliterated their middle class, but not us.”

  • Michael Stapleton
    Reactor Operator
    “Quick, print another 4.8 million copies of Atlas Shrugged.”

The Onion: Our Robot Masters

The Onion: Our Robot Masters

Posted on Oct 8th, 2008 by Marmalade : Gaia Child Marmalade
This is my favorie Onion video.  Also, here is the link to the video on the Onion website.

 

Access_public Access: Public 1 Comment Print Post this!views (138)  
Tagged with: Onion, robot, master, video, comedy, humor, news
Nicole : wakingdreamer
about 18 hours later

Nicole said

awesome find! very well acted, the three conformists came across as wonderful androids 🙂 this one is going on the Gaian humour pod.

Christ, Beck, Adam and Eve

College Humor is sometimes funny and sometimes just stupid.  This skit about Adam and Eve is actually quite amusing.  I think he made the right choice at the end. 

This is immensely funny.  I have new respect for Jesus Christ.

 

This next item is very edgy humor.  The Onion often does biting satire, but this seems extreme even for their normal standards.  It’s already gone viral.  Some think it’s funny and some think it’s just plain wrong.  Some people bring up the possibility that this video makes fun of Beck haters as much or more than Beck himself.  Certainly, it’s poking fun at the whole buzz surounding Beck.  I’d say that Beck has all on his own become a meme in his own right.  Some people even claim he has become his own parody.

However you perceive this video, it acts as a mirror for the state of affairs that Beck has helped to inflame in the media.  I would feel sorry for Beck if he weren’t responsible in bringing this on to himself with his own immoral antics (do a websearch about Glenn Beck and fire, poison, bat, and killing Michael Moore).  Anyways, Beck seems to like the attention he gets.

I will say it was done well from a technical perspective.  It’s professional quality and the acting is excellent.  I understand that it’s a bit in poor taste, but that must be considered in light of Beck’s own program sometimes being in very poor taste.  My main criticism is that it could’ve been funnier.  I think it might’ve worked better as one of their roundtable discussions such as the videos they did about robots and porn (the latter being quite edgy).

This video reminds me of the meme that “Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990” which was a satirical criticism of Beck’s own style (at least in the past) of asking guests to disprove a negative.  Someone started a website about this meme which Beck took legal action against (Beck v. Eiland-Hall) which in turn just made it a bigger meme.  Beck lost the case because, as a libertarian-leaning populist, he should’ve realized that civic right to free speech wins out over the hurt pride of an individual. 

 
falcc1989: In that last few days I’ve heard all over the internet that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990. This sounds like a lie but he hasn’t denied it or even commented on it even once, Snopes.com has no articles debunking it, and people are talking about it all over the place. Is there any truth to this rumor that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990?

Best Answer – Chosen by Asker

Retodd: Look, I don’t know if it’s true that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990, but if it isn’t, Glenn Beck, alleged 1990 murderer and rapist, should produce the girl he didn’t rape and murder in 1990 so that this matter can be cleared up. All we want is proof. What is he trying to hide?

Oh, and when he produces the girl he allegedly did or didn’t rape and murder in 1990, it won’t be accepted unless she’s in the long form.

Source(s): No sources, as the MSM seems to be covering up the story of Glenn Beck allegedly raping and murdering a girl in 1990.

falcc1989: Thanks for keeping me up to date on whether Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990. I wish there were a more clear cut answer but if he’s not willing to take the five minutes necessary to deny raping and murdering a girl in 1990 than Glenn Beck will continue to look suspicious.