“He’s just a boy. Mmm hmm….”
“What in the hell you doin’ with that gun? “
“I don’t rightly know. I just kinda woke up a-holding it.”
“What the fuck you think he’s doin’ with that gun?”
“Some people call it a gun. I call it a fire stick. I aim it’s about time to do our William Tell Routine.”
*Bang*
“Hmm… I shouldn’t done that, he was just a boy, poor little feller.”
- – -
”Now, repeat after me: A dimwitted southerner is the best all-round cover an agent ever had.”
“I’ve heard it said that a-way. Hmmm, biscuits and bug powder.”
“Say, mister. Could you rub some of that mustard on my lips?”
“Hmm… funny. Not funny ha ha. Funny queer. Reckon I’ll have to get used to looking at homo-erotic bugs.”
“Guess you will.”
“Reckon I’ll have to get used to them looking at me too.”
“Better go get your things.’
“Ain’t got nothing but that pillowcase.”
“What’s in the pillowcase?”
“Hmm… reckon it’s the remains of my last writing machine.”
“Better go get it.”
“All right, then.”
- – -
“They say you murdered your momma. Is that true?”
“Hmm… reckon it wadn’t an accident. Hmm mmm.”
“If you had it to do over again, would you do it the same way?”
“I reckon I would.”
“I’ve been killing my own mother slowly over a period of years.”
“Hmmm?”
“Well, not intentionally. I mean, on the level of conscious intention, it’s insane, monstrous.”
“Reckon I hear’d ya say it. Hmmm…”
“Not consciously. This is all happening telepathically, non-consciously.”
“Whad’ya mean?”
“If you look carefully at my lips, you’ll realize that I’m actually saying something else.”
“I like the way you talk.”
- – -
“What is the purpose of your visit?”
“I aim to kill you.”
How do I know you are really a killer?
“Well, I have a slingblade. Hmm. Some people call it a slingblade. I call it a head chopper.”
“That’s not good enough. Show me.”
*whack* *whack*
“Am I dead yet?”
“Almost. Hmm mmm.”
- – -
“Welcome… to the mental institute.”
“Hmm… mental institute.”
Filed under: Entertainment, Fiction and Vignettes | Tagged: humor, Naked Lunch, Swing Blade | Leave a Comment »
Marmalade
Access: Public 
Nicole said
Chad Vader is so so funny! I’m missing a lot from the second because I’m ignorant about pop culture
Marmalade said
Chad Vader is awesome. I recommend the whole series if you have the time.
Well, Swingers isn’t all that great of a movie and you’re not missing much. But you might enjoy Sling blade if you like Billy Bob Thornton.
Nicole said
Who’s Billy Bob Thornton? Sorry, I’m hopeless about these things… drive my ex partner crazy, he’s such a pop culture nut.
I’ll check out the other Chad Vaders this evening, I feel silly! thanks Ben, hon.
Marmalade said
Here is the Official Website of Billy Bob Thornton.
Wikipedia says this about him:
“Billy Bob Thornton (born August 4, 1955) is an Academy Award-winning American screenwriter, actor and occasional director, playwright and singer. He came to fame in the mid 1990s, after writing, directing, and starring in the film Sling Blade, and has since established a career as a Hollywood leading actor, having appeared in several successful films, including 2003′s Bad Santa. Thornton has been described in media reports as “Hollywood’s go-to alpha male”.”
Nicole said
ok! thanks for teaching me
Marmalade said
The student teaches the master.
*bowing*
*snicker*
Nicole said
yeah right! LOLOL! swatting Ben gently with love, laughing