Laughing at Glenn Beck

Look deep in to Glenn’s eyes.

And maybe you’ll start crying too.

Crying song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=074_qFG4Y0U

CRYING

(sung to the Roy Orbison song “Crying”)

He was all right for a while
With his own senile style
But now most every night
As he shills for the right
He’s a weepy strange fellow
Right wing crap he sells
He’s not too well
Beck begins crying right on cue
Crying, sobbing too
It just feels so wrong
When Beck’s singing his sad song
Alone and crying, crying
Crying, crying

It’s hard to understand
The thoughts of this sorry man
And why he’s crying
We thought that Glenn had quit the brew
It’s not true, not true
He’s drinking even more
Than he did before
That moron hasn’t a clue
And the G.O.P.
Cheers for him when he’s crying right on cue
Crying, sobbing too

Yes, now he’s gone
And from this moment on
He’ll be crying, crying
Crying, crying
Yeah crying, crying
Right on cue

Join Gandalf Beck in his fight against the Robot Overlords!

 
 
In order to be clear, let me just say that Glenn Beck is a complete idiot, batshit loony to be precise!
 
 
I’ve lost any tiny miniscule of respect I had left for him.  He should be ignored if at all possible, but if ignoring him doesn’t make him go away he should be ridiculed as the clown he admits that he is.  He is a joke… but one of those jokes that is sad rather than funny.
 
 
Even one of the Fox reporters sees through Beck’s melodramatic bullshit.
 

Some smart people, of course, do like Beck because he is the clown that will say what no one else will say (and I’d add that there are often good reasons why others avoid making certain kinds of statements).  Yes, in his rantings, he does occasionally speak a valid point.  And, as Frank Rich concluded in his NYT article Even Glenn Beck Is Right Twice a Day, it’s still “a rage that is no less real for being shouted by a demagogue from Fox and a backbencher from South Carolina.”  Yeah, yeah, yeah… he’s as mad as Hell, and he’s not going to take it anymore.

Whatever.  Being angry doesn’t in any way justify idiocy.  Anyways, the possibility that Beck’s tirades are authentic just scares me all the more.  I hope that, considering his charismatic influence, it’s an act rather than genuine psychological instability… but I suspect it’s a bit of both.

My motivation for writing this post about Beck is his response to the incident where Anita Dunn briefly spoke about Mao.

Who gives a flying f*ck!?!  She said she was being ironic and as someone who knows dry humor well I see no reason to disbelieve her explanation.  She paired Mao together with Mother Theresa.  To be honest, that is about as ironic as one can get.  Maybe it’s not laugh out loud funny, but it’s still ironic.  Even if you were to argue that she didn’t communicate her irony well, who cares?

I certainly don’t care about Beck’s attempt to pull yet another insane conspiracy theory out of his ass.  I can’t see any reason why anyone should care.  I don’t know about Anita Dunn or her positions on anything.  It simply doesn’t matter.  This is a complete non-issue.

The Commies aren’t going to take over America.  If you wan’t to direct your fear towards something real, then fear the fear-mongerers.  Glenn Beck is more likely to destroy America than is Anita Dunn.

I’m not defending Anita Dunn.  I’m not a Democrat and I didn’t vote for Obama.  I have no investment in defending Obama or anyone in his administration.  I’m simply pointing out that Beck is a less than worthless cretin who knows no moral bounds.  And the fact that those on the right have jumped on this issue because Beck pointed it out shows how pathetically far down the right has fallen.  Fox news wastes it times on issues like this… give me a f*cking break!

Anita Dunn said, “We’re going to treat them the way we would treat an opponent.  As they are undertaking a war against Barack Obama and the White House, we don’t need to pretend that this is the way that legitimate news organizations behave.’’  Beck and Fox news simply prove that they’re not a legitimate news organization by their pathetic attempt to create news with their endless smear campaign.

If you appreciate calm fairminded analysis of Beck, then here you go.

by Sheryl Gay Stolberg
The New York Times
 
Media Matters
 
 

And now let me point out a few applicable labels.

Glenn Beck: Attention Whore

Glenn Beck: Conspiracy Theorist

Glenn Beck: Loony

 

Glenn Beck: Paranoiac

 
 

Glenn Beck: Hypocrite

Glenn Beck: Liar

 

Glenn Beck: Dumb

 

Glenn Beck: Nutjob

 

Glenn Beck: Crazy and Fake

 

Glenn Beck: Sucks

 

Glenn Beck: Hater

Glenn Beck: Bigot

 

Glenn Beck: Race Baiting Racist

 
 

Glenn Beck: Dangerous

 
 
 
 

Glenn Beck: Nazi

Glenn Beck: McCarthyist Witch Hunter

Glenn Beck: Propagandist

 

Glenn Beck: Fraud and More Fraud

 
 

Glenn Beck: Dramatic Chipmunk

 

Songs for your enjoyment:

Last Train To Clarksville song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScXXaBu1Ing

LAST TRAIN TO NUTSVILLE

(sung to the Monkees song “Last train to Clarksville”)

Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
You can be there by four-thirty
Cuz Fox made your reservation
The Beck Show, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Glenn lost his mind without warning
And it won’t be back again
Glenn Beck’s facing stormy weather
And it’s causing quite a strain
So, he must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no
He might have a lobotomy on his dome.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Glenn Beck is their famous patient
If he’s not crying he’ll blow some kisses
But don’t attempt conversation
Oh… oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Take the last train to Nutsville
That’s where Glenn Beck now calls home
We can’t hear him making noisy
Conversation all alone
He’s feelin’ low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don’t think that Glenn’s ever coming home.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Take the last train to Nutsville
(repeat and fade)

Crazy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmLS_jkxPRs

HE’S CRAZY

(sung to the Patsy Cline song “Crazy”)

Crazy
Glenn Beck is a demented phony
He’s crazy
Marbles? He’s missing a few

We knew
He was one of Bellevue’s “Most Wanted”
And that someday
He’d make an asylum debut

Sorry
Beck’s on a mental safari
Wondrin’
How did he go so koo-koo

Oh, crazy
Glenn’s crazy and back on the home brew
There’s no use denyin’
Beck can’t stop cryin’
Glenn Beck’s crazy
And stupid too

Crazy
We’re not sure that Beck’s not sniffing glue
It seems like he’s flyin’
We’re not just implyin’
Glenn Beck’s crazy
We know it’s true

The Fool On The Hill song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KXrrh74wTs&feature=related

THE FOOL WHO KNOWS NIL

(sung to the Beatles song, “The Fool On The Hill”)

Day after day
He gives us a chill
Glenn Beck is crying again
Let’s watch his eyes start to fill

And nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he has not one good answer
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

Nita Dunn took him down
And Glenn’s face grew bright red
As his head spins around

Glenn’s head today,
Filled up with sound
Beck’s head hears a thousand voices
Screaming nonsense so loud

Everybody wants to jeer him
For the weeping that he does fake
Yet Glenn never seems to notice
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s a dim-witted clown
In need of some strong meds
Beck’s off to crazy-town

(musical interlude)

And nobody seems to like him
It looks like he’s back on the booze
Or maybe he’s back drug dealing
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Nobody listens to him
They know that he’s a fool
They don’t like him
The fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Oh …

 

That Smell song clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6q9nBusrq8

BECK’S SMELL

(sung to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “That Smell”)

Whiskey bottles and drug filled jars
Those were Glenn Beck’s best days
Way too much coke and too much smoke
How does Fox News take pride in you?

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Yeah,

Angel of darkness is in our view
He’s a weasel doing harm (you fool, you)
The bloviating bloke, has a show that just blows
Have a drink, fool, you clown, you (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Righties call Beck prince charming
They take his word as the gospel truth
Yet Glenn Beck’s logic is hollow, and
Fox News just might learn he has no clue (no, clue)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

(musical interlude)

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s a fear-mongering bore

(musical interlude)

Beck has his own little Waterloo

It’s a monkey on his back
Sponsors have split from his racist schticks
One hell of a price and Beck’s show might get nixed (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s just a fool, just a fool, just a fool.

If you can’t beat them, then laugh at them.

B. E. C. K.

Beck  Execorable  Cracker  Klown

Bullshit  Eating  Conman  King

Bigoted  Excitable  Cretinous  Killjoy

Belching  Everyman’s  Crazy  Kidder

Brazen  Eediot  Clearly  Kafkaesque

Big-fat  Elated  Craptacular  Kiss-ass

Beastly  Excrement  Coats  Klutz

Brain-dead  Edification  Creates  Kamikaze

Bamboozled  Elf  Cannibalizes  Kids

Butt-faced  Enema  Clobbers  Kittens

Bastard  Eternally  Chases  KKK

Buffoonish  Entropic  Creepy  Killer

Bloated  Enormous  Corpusculent  Krispy-Kreme

Glenn Beck’s Hate Speech, Paid For By…

Desperado song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9fHpRPSHJI

Desperado

(sung to the Eagles song “Desperado”)

Desperado, you better come to your senses
Your racist offenses, so public now
Oh, you’re a hard one
But this will be your last season
The Fox boys are teasin’ you
Your show’s all done now

After your unseemly cryin’, boy
We knew you were unstable
We have all seen you fall apart on your set

Now it seems to me, you don’t bring
One sane sentence to the table
But what could one expect from crazy Glenn Beck

Desperado, you better fetch that old plunger
You’ll soon be flushed under that porcelain throne
Your kingdom, your kingdom fell and it’s not all that shocking
You just kept on talking till you were all alone

Will your deep dark soul hibernate in slime?
Your name, Glenn Beck, constitutes a crime
As does most everything that you say
Your sponsors all fleeing your show
Ain’t it funny as we watch them go away?

Desperado, You’ve shown us all what nonsense is
The prevailing sense is, you only hate
Your tears are rainin’, cuz you know nobody loves you
The Lord in Heaven up above you
(heaven up above you)
The Lord in Heaven up above you will decide your fate

Glenn Beck Revenue Halved by Ad Boycott

Advertising revenue on Glenn Beck’s Fox News Channel show has dropped by half, from about $1 million to $492,000 a week, according to the group that organized the boycott of his show. Here’s a chart of his revenue cliff:

Get Back song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn3g0rw2tnU&feature=related

GET BECK

(sung to The Beatles song “Get Back”)

Glenn Beck is a man who’s soon to be a loner
Advertisers fleeing, fast
Glenn Beck’s getting punished for his racist boner
Soon he’ll be out on his ass

Get Beck!, Get Beck!
Glenn Beck, we’d like to say, “So long”
Get Beck!, Get Beck!
Glenn Beck what you said was so wrong
Get Back, Bozo

Go home

Get Beck!, Get Beck!
Glenn Beck, we’d like to say, “So long”
Get Beck!, Get Beck!
Glenn Beck what you said was so wrong
Get Back, Bro

(awesome Billy Preston solo)

Beck will be departin’ amidst lots of booin’
Racism will get him canned
All his advertisers say he’s got it comin’
So, he’ll go back to the Klan

Get Beck!, Get Beck!
Glenn Beck, we’d like to say, “So long”
Get Beck!, Get Beck!
Glenn Beck what you said was so wrong
Glenn Back, you racist

Go home

Get Beck!, Yeah, Get Beck!
Glenn Beck, we’d like to say, “So long”
Yeah,Get Beck!, Get Beck!
Glenn Beck what you said was so wrong

Glenn Beck, you racist
Now there’s tea-bagging for ya
Spewing your racist views
You’re e real bed-wetter
Get back home Glenn Beck-er

Glenn Beck!, Glenn Beck!
Glenn Beck, we’d like to say, “So long”
Oh, Glenn Beck!, Glenn Beck
Ooh, yeah
Bozo

Undone song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLMF5GM0Kt8

UNDONE

(sung to The Guess Who song “Undone”)

Beck’s come undone
He didn’t know what he was headed for
And by the time that Fox shows him the door
It’s much too late

Beck’s come undone
He’s either drinking or he’s getting high
And now his sponsors have gone bye-bye
That is Glenn’s fate

It’s too late
Beck’s gone too far
He’s all but done
Beck’s come undone
Avoids the truth while he shouts out his lies
Now he has to realize
Redemption’s too late

Beck’s come undone
He’s like a little mouse that tries to roar
A TV host that most of us abhor
A victim of his fate

It’s too late
Beck’s no Bill Maher
He is no fun
Beck’s come undone

Too many branches, but not enough Christmas lights
Too many falsehoods and not enough truth
Too many people with too many eyes to see
Too many lies to tell, but not in prime-time

It’s too late
He’s over par
(that was a pun)
Beck’s come undone
(Doe-doe-doe-doe-doe-doe- un doe-doe-doe un doe-doe-doe)
(Doe-doe-doe-doe-doe un doe-doe-doe doe-doe-doe)
(Doe doe-doe-doe doe doe-doe-doe doe doe)

(musical interlude)

It’s too late
Feathered and tarred
He’s dazed and stunned
Beck’s come undone
He didn’t know what he was headed for
And now he’s much worse than the day before
It is too late

Beck’s come undone
He’s like a fountain spewing out just lies
And sometimes he just sits there and cries
Glenn Beck’s character traits

It’s too late
Beck’s gone too far
He’s a no-one
Beck’s come undone
(No no-no-no-no-no-no)
(Doe doe doe-doe)

Advertisers deserting Fox News’ Glenn Beck

Whether the show can survive with advertisers deserting it depends on whether they can replaced and how much money Fox News is prepared to lose before pulling the plug.

It also, Greening said, “depends on Beck’s level of contrition or how he explains it. But unless he does something to rehabilitate himself, he has probably crossed the line into obscurity.

I can only hope.

You’re No Good song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hr9vKWLgZzo

YOU’RE NO GOOD

(sung to the Linda Ronstadt song “You’re No Good”)

Feeling better now that Beck’s through
Feeling better cuz his fans are few
They learned their lesson, it left a scar
Now they see that Glenn Beck’s no star

He’s no good
He’s no good
He’s no good
Glenn Beck, you’re no good

Let’s all just sing it again
He’s no good
He’s no good
He’s no good
Glenn Beck, you’re no good

You’ve come apart and don’t have a clue
Well, you have no heart and we all know it’s true
All of Glenn Beck’s sponsors starting to flee
They wouldn’t stay there if the ads were free

He’s no good
He’s no good
He’s no good
Glenn Beck, you’re no good

Let’s all just sing it again
He’s no good
He’s no good
He’s no good
Glenn Beck, you’re no good

(musical interlude)

We’re telling you now Glenn Beck, they’re going away
There’s nothing you can do now to convince them to stay

He’s no good
He’s no good
He’s no good
Glenn Beck, you’re no good

Let’s all just sing it again
He’s no good
He’s no good
He’s no good
Glenn Beck, you’re no good

Oh, oh no
He’s no good
He’s no good
He’s no good
Glenn Beck, you’re no good

Help song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNcShXs_CMM

HELP

(sung to The Beatles song “Help”)

Help, Beck needs somebody
Help, not just anybody
Help, you know Glenn needs someone, help

When Beck was younger, so much younger than today
He would simply booze it up and toke his days away
But now those days are gone since Glenn Beck found the cure
Now it is the Racist Biz in which this small mouse roars

Help Beck if you can, for he may drown
And the President he hates for being brown
Help Glenn as his sponsorships go down
Won’t you please help Glenn B.

And now Glenn’s life has changed in oh so many ways
His advertisers have just vanished in the haze
First it was Geico and Men’s Wearhouse out the door
Now CVS has joined the rest, they’re pulling out for sure

Help Glenn if you can, his smile’s a frown
With all of his advertisers leaving town
How long will Fox News keep him around?
Won’t you please help Glenn B.

When Beck was stronger, way back when in his heyday
He never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now those days are gone and Glenn Beck is abhorred
Fox will find it’s in a bind if he’s not out the door

Help Beck if you can, he’ll make the rounds
His resumé will circulate from town to town
He might find employment as a clown
Won’t you please help Glenn B., Glenn B., Glenn B., oh…

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One Response

  1. I was watching a lot of Beck videos recently and it was driving me crazy. At first, I tried to take him somewhat seriously so as to actually understand the appeal of his message, but after a while I simply lost my ability to take his rantings seriously. This may seem like a very mean-spirited post. I just needed to get Beck out of my system.

    BTW I think this post makes for a lovely introduction to Beck. It’s a one-stop mockumentary of Beck’s greatness. Beck tries to be funny sometimes, but I personally find these videos making fun of him to be even funnier.

    To be honest, I laugh so that I won’t cry.

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